Kisame's Awkward Night
by Entengo2
Summary: Kisame finally gets some alone time, so he spends it in a club. While there, he learns something very VERY interesting. Yaoi warning! Oneshot. I thought it was a silly idea, so I typed it up. Please leave reviews and tell me if you thought it was amusing!


Hey everyone! I decided to actually make this because the thought was swimming in my mind for so long, and now I just decided to actually make it happen. I guess one night I just thought, "What if something like this happened?" By the way, this takes place on a generic day, so nobody leave a review that complains about this "being behind the times" or anything, k? Also, please don't flame because of what this is ends up being about! It's just a joke! Tanx!

P.S. Sorry to all of those who saw this alert thinking that it was the next chapter for An Uphill Battle for Two

Now it's time for:

Kisame's Awkward Night:

It was yet another day for Kisame and Itachi: plotting out their next move for their part in the Akatsuki, ensuring they won't die while still retrieving their objective. They had been planning for the entire day, barely stopping to eat or anything else that came up.

The two were sitting at a table in an unnoticeable apartment in a seemingly abandoned building, remaining hidden from anyone searching for either of the two.

They weren't particularly close, more like just friends without any intentions of being any closer. They sat at opposite ends of the table, both looking at a map that was sprawled across the table with various pins marking where buildings and hiding points were.

Finally Kisame leaned back in his seat, staring everywhere but neither at the map nor Itachi. The room was so dull. No art, no decoration, just plain white walls, dull wooden floor, and a white ceiling. Just his sword, Samehada, placed in the corner of the room, but not much else.

_How can this be called a living room? It seems rather dead to me._ Kisame started to let his mind wander. So much tedious planning always got to him first, which then leads to Itachi yelling at him for his lack of focus, and then the shark-resembling ninja would get up for 'a snack' or 'to the bathroom,' even though it was so he wouldn't have to go back to focusing for a bit.

"Kisame," Itachi started, standing up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be back and we can keep going. I'm going to just take a bath." Kisame knew better than roll his eyes. Even when he wasn't facing the Uchiha the latter always knew when he was rolling his eyes, which just made the last bit of planning even more unnecessarily tense.

"No," the pony-tailed Akatsuki member knew what he was thinking, "I need to work on my Sharingan… alone." He headed towards the door. "I'll be back later, but I'm not sure when." He left, without another word.

At first, Kisame was glad; no more planning! Unfortunately, he had no idea what to do. There was, however, one thing that had been floating in his mind ever since he passed it in the vicinity of his apartment…

"I'LL GO THERE!" Kisame rushed to his room. There wasn't much in his room, like the 'living' room. They were always on the move; no time to bring various decorations with them. He went through some of his street clothes. They were just clothes he wore on rare occasions to not attract attention to his Akatsuki cloak. He hurried and put an outfit on. It was fairly tight, with khaki shorts, and crimson shirt. It brought out his muscles, and made him more attractive, despite his 'discoloration', as he called it. He went to a mirror, made sure everything was looking good. He left, excited for what was to come. It would be a rare night indeed, since he was never alone, and, he never usually gave in to this kind of temptation…

He made it to the place: a gay dance club called The Pole. He finally made it in, after waiting for what felt like forever. He didn't know if somebody would recognize him and ruin his night.

He went inside and took a look around. It was pretty crowded, more than 1000 people inside, obviously from all over. You saw people from different villages mixed in everywhere. There was a stage in front of any guys that felt sure enough about themselves to dance in front of everyone. _I'll go up there later, for now, let's just have some fu-_

His thought was interrupted by a man 'accidentally' bumping into him. It was a very obvious and cheesy thing to do. "S-sorry." The man blushed and looked up to see Kisame with a confused look.

The blue criminal was looking at the guy; he wasn't the hottest thing on the world, but he was better than most. He had jet black hair which was spiked, and was wearing tight clothes, a baby blue t-shirt and white shorts. He was much more thin than muscular, unlike Kisame. "No problem." He smiled.

"Can I buy you a drink?" The man nervously smiled, rubbing the back of his head to relax himself.

"Sure, surprise me." Kisame figured that since it was such a rare chance, he might as well enjoy himself. He wasn't going to be particularly attached to the guy, but hey, a free drink or more than one, what's wrong with that? He watched the man walk away to the bar. _Sweet ass…_

The man came back with drinks. The Akatsuki member already had the drink downed before his date even started to sip. They sat down at a table as the other man started to drink.

"What's your name?" Kisame didn't want to just call him 'hey you.' It wasn't that he cared; it was just the fact that 'hey' gets more attention than a name.

"Akira, what yours, big guy?" Akira put his hand around the other's arm.

Thinking on his feet, so it wouldn't be obvious, Kisame said, "Kakeru." It was a common enough name for him to get by.

The song changed and Akira quickly drank and got up, tugging at Kisame. "Let's go to the dance floor! I love this song!"

They had to go through the crowds to get on the floor. Kisame felt like an idiot. He had no idea what to do since he never really felt like he could let go around Itachi. _What the fuck am I supposed to do?_

"Well, if you're not going to dance, I will." The other man started to grind on Kisame.

The Akatsuki member felt himself getting aroused quickly. He had to think of a way to leave. "I-I'll be right back, I'm going to get another drink."

He vanished and got a drink, and then another. He fixed his pants so he wouldn't be so easy to arouse again and headed back. He found his dancing partner and smiled. "All better!"

Akira went back to grinding and Kisame just tried not to look dumb. They kept dancing, and then saw the stage. "We gotta go up there later!" Kisame's date was thrilled at the idea. He might even get to see Kisame shirtless.

"I'll need another drink before I do that." Kisame wasn't completely sober anymore, but he was still self-conscious enough to stay away from the attention.

"We can arrange that, Kisame." The man winked at him, and they headed for the bar again. He had just one more drink while Kisame had two more.

"C'mon…let's go dance!" The blue-ninja was starting to be a little drunk. Not to the point of throwing up, but he was starting to lose control of himself.

They started dancing again, now to music that neither man really cared for. It was the same the whole time; Akira would grind on Kisame, who would in turn follow his date with his body. They were close enough to be conjoined-twins at the waist.

Kisame looked up to the stage, still dreading the idea of going up there. Now he'd feel more embarrassed with redness in his face. He watched the guys up there, staring at one man in particular. _He looks familiar…_ _but where? _ It took him all of 30 seconds to realize it. _Oh my god! IT'S ITACHI! _Kisame stared at his partner on stage. _Wow, he's so, so…_ He forced himself to admit it. _Hot!_ He had a small nosebleed from staring. The Uchiha was shirtless and in black pants that were so tight Kisame could see Itachi's entire package.

"It's a bit hot in here, if I may say so!" An announcer called through a microphone over the music. "How about we cool it down!"

The sprinklers turned on from the ceiling, drenching a lot of people, including Itachi. Kisame was also pretty wet, but his eyes were glued to his fighting partner. _Oh wow!_

"I have to go to the bathhroomm." Kisame's speech was a little off.

Akira saw it as a perfect chance. "Me too."

They looked for the bathroom without luck for about five minutes, and then finally found the right place. It was empty except for the two entering. Akira nudged Kisame into a stall. Since he was drunk it took no real effort. It was very clean; the toilet didn't even look like it had been used.

The noticeably drunk ninja did his business and unlocked the stall to get out, but saw his date standing at the door.

"I gotsta…ugh"

Kisame was pushed onto the clean toilet. Before he even realized what was happening, Akira had his shorts down and was giving him a blowjob. He couldn't do anything; he was too drunk to do much of anything but a little thinking and some movement.

He enjoyed the moment in which he was trapped. He loved every second as the spiky-haired man let most of Kisame into his mouth and then let it out. He used his tongue to make every second feel like little bits of euphoria.

"mmm," Kisame smiled and put his hand the back of Akira's head, as though he was going to make his own pace. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't sober enough. "Don't stop…please!" He kept moaning with pleasure, uncaring if anyone else in the entire club heard them. The pieces of ecstasy just kept adding together, more and more, until he felt his best. "Oh!" He felt himself finishing, but that didn't stop Akira.

The thinner man finally ended, looking up to see Kisame's giant smile. The teeth scared him a little, but he knew he couldn't have it anywhere else without risk of getting hurt even worse. He stood up, pulled down his own shorts, and then looked right into Kisame's eyes. "Your turn." He said, straddling the downed ninja and pushing his cock near Kisame's face.

"I, uh, just remembered I had to be somewhere!" Kisame put his hand on Akira's hard abs and pushed the fairly aggressive man away, and got up.

"You're kidding, right?" Kisame's date was furious, and his anger only made the Akatsuki member angry.

"You know where I gotta go? I'll tell you… MY BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE!" Kisame lied, pulling his pants up and went to the door.

"I'll find where you live, and who your boyfriend is, and I'll tell him how much of a skank you are!" Akira pulled his shorts up, realizing he wasn't going to get any.

"You little bastard…" Kisame went back towards his man of the night, ready to kill him. He saw the clock: one in the morning. "Fuck!" He didn't know if or when Itachi left, so he quickly staggered back to his apartment, sober enough to be sure that nobody followed him home.

He made it home and noticed that Itachi still hadn't arrived. _What a relief! _ He relaxed as he went into his room, took off his clothes, and fell asleep very quickly.

He woke up the next morning, hungover terribly. He slowly got up and put something on to wear around the apartment, and went for something to make him feel better.

Just about anything would have made him feel better, except he was unlucky enough to stumble upon Itachi. The Uchiha wasn't hungover, just his usual, cranky self.

Kisame stared at the other Akatsuki member in his cloak, and saw right through it. He put the tight pants he was wearing the night before on him in his mind. Another nosebleed happened. He never knew that 

Itachi could be so hot, let alone such a good dancer. The ex-mist village ninja thought about going back to the club with his roommate.

"What?" Itachi was getting annoyed by the second at the way his partner was gawking at him with eyes he'd never seen before.

"Next time you work on your sharingan…" Kisame rubbed the back of his head, nervous as to what was about to happen, "take me with you!" He beamed.

Remember, this was a jokey/ silly thing! Don't send me angry messages, pretty please!


End file.
